I may should warn you that if you are easily offended, you should not read these jokes. Instead, you should go and watch some happy Tele-fucking-Tubbies on the TV and imagine that people don't want to make fun of each other. Because we do.


Chauvinism

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Q. Why did the woman cross the road?

A. Thats not the point, what the hell is she doing out of the kitchen?!

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Q. What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

A. Nothing you haven't told her twice.

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Q. What's the fastest way to a woman's heart?
A. An axe.

(or)

A. Don't bother, they don't have any.

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Your mother

Yo mama's is so fat, when she walked by my TV I missed two shows.

Yo mama's is so fat that she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.

Yo mama's so fat I had to roll her in powder to find the wet spot."

Yo mama's so dumb that she tried to minimize a 12 variable function to a minimal sum of products expression using a karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm.

Yo mama's such an whore that if she were a chmod, she'd be 777.

Yo mama's so fat she's not lying around the house, she's lying AROUND the house.


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Racism

Why doesnt Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because any of them who would Run, Jump, or Swim are already in the USA.

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I met this guy a while back, who kept saying that Holocaust never happened and that it was all a conspiracy by the Jews to trick the nations of the world into giving them the land of Isreal back. I looked at him, quite shocked and offended by his comments, and told him that my grandfather had died in Aushwitz, and that he should be ashamed of himself. The guy looked down and mumbled an apology, and I let it be.

Later that evening the guy asks me quietly how did my grandfather die. A tear rolled from my eye as I told him, "He fell out of a guard tower."

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How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen?

Forty-five. Two in the front, three in the back, and forty in the ashtray.

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What should you do if you find a seriously wounded black man from your backyard?

Stop laughing and shoot him again.

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What should you do if you wake up in the middle of the night and find your TV set floating in the air?

Shoot the black guy who's carrying it.

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Dead babies
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Q. Why do babies have that soft spot on their heads?

A. So you can fit 5 on each hand.

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Q. What's the best thing about fucking a 5 year old girl?

A. Flipping her over and pretending it's a 5 year old boy.

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Q: How do get fifty dead babies into a bath tub?

A: A blender.

Q: How do you get them out again?

A: Nachos.

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Q. What has one leg and bleeds?
A. Half a baby.

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Q: What's the worst part about fucking a five-year old?
A: Washing the blood out of your clown suit.

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Q: How do you save a baby from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.

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Q: How do you save a baby from falling down to the sewers?
A: A harpoon.

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Q. What's funnier than a dead baby?
A. A dead baby in a clown suit.

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Q. What's funnier than nailing a baby onto a tree?
A. Ripping him off the wall and doing it again.

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Q. What's white, making noises and kicking?
A. Baby in a plastic-bag.

Q. So what's green and smells really bad?
A. New Orleans.

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German hümor

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Gestapo.
- Gestapo who?
- (slap them in face)
- VE vill ask ze questions!

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- Haff you heard ze latest gestapo joke?
- No...
- (slap them in the face)
- UND VHY NOT !?

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- A little while later go back in:
- Haff you heard ze latest gestapo joke?
- Eeerrrr....Yes.
- (slap them in the face)
- UND WHO TOLD YOU !?!?

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Misc
A child and his grandfather are fishing out on a lake. They fish for hours, and the grandfather gets thirsty, so he cracks open a case and downs a beer. The kid, also thirsty, asks if he can have some. The grandfather asks, "Boy, can you touch your pecker to your asshole?" When the boy told him that naturally he can't, the old man replied "Well, when you can do that, you can have a drink."

A couple more hours go by, and the boy gets hungry, so he pulls out some cookies he brought (kids do that), and starts to chow down. The grandfather, also hungry, asks the youngster if he'd share. The boy looks at his grandfather and asks, "Grampa, can you touch your dick to your butt?" The old man, with all of his wiles and experience, indicates that this is so. His grandson replis, "Then go fuck yourself, 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my cookies."

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Rene Descartes walks into a bar and orders a beer. He drinks it down and the bartender asks "will you have another?"
Descartes says "I think not," and disappears.

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What's the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, and Micheal Jackson fucks children.

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I might point out (if it's not too late by now), that although I've earned my place in Hell by laughing to these jokes, I'm not really a racist of any kind. But I do fuck little babies, though.

Well I guess I "have" to add a few. If the hell is full, satan just has to stand.

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How many men do you need to change the kitchen lamp?
None, let the whore do the dishes in the dark.

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Isn't it curious that in Olympics the black men do well at running and white men at shooting?

haha thats frickin hilarious though i have to add some also


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whats the diffirence beetween a dead baby and a trampoline?

when youre jump on the trampoline you take youre boots off


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What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?

A baby with a punctured lung.


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How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

hehe dead babys

What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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What do you get when you strangle a baby?

An orgasm

What's the difference between a dead baby and a bucket full of sex toys?

The bucket.

Yessir, step right up and get your ticket to hell! One way ticket to hell, only the price of a chuckle!
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What's the difference between a Volvo and aMercedes?

Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Volvo.

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What is grosser than gross?

When you have sex with a pregnant woman and
the fetus gives you head.

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What has four legs and one arm?

A doberman in a playground.

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How do you know when a elephant is on her period?

When there's a quarter on the nightstand and your matress is missing.

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What is long, hard and makes a woman scream all night long?

Crib death.

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Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?

So you could read her lips.

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What is round and bobs up and down in a crib?

A pedophile's ass.

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So a baby seal walks into a club...

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How do you make a dead baby float?

Take your foot off its head.

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What's red and crawls up a woman's leg?

A homesick abortion.

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And that's all I remember for now.

Two reasons why men don't mind their own business:

1. No mind.

2. No business.

A paedophile and a young girl were walking deep in the woods. The young girl said "Is`nt this spooky".

"Ha", said the paedophile, "Think about me. I`ve got to come back on my own".

so i was fucking my girlfriend last nite, and when we were done she rolled over & asked me if i was a pedophile




i looked at her & said "that's an awful big word for a seven-year-old"

This is an old joke when paedophiles weren't so prevalent and vilified. . . . .

Did you hear about the paedophiles dinner get-together last night?

After they finished they passed round the under eights.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?


The wheelchair.

Some sick(ish) ones from me:

What's pink, silver, and screams?

A baby with forks in it's eyes.

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What's pink, brown & silver, screams, and can't turn corners?

A baby with spears in it's eyes.

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What's blue & organe & found at the bottom of a swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

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What's the difference between a truckload of rocks & a truckload of dead babies?

You can't unload rocks with a pitchfork.

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What's red & white, and screams?

A peeled baby rolled in salt.

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What's red, pink, screams & gets shorter by the minute?

A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

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What's the only thing more fun than nailing a baby to the wall?

Ripping it off again.

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Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

To see the look on it's face.

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What do you get if you put a baby in a blender feet first?

An erection.

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What's blue & f*cks grannies?

Hypothermia.

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Express elevator to hell...going down!

jokes about babies are quite sick for me, coz i have a kid.
but mama jokes were quite funny ^_^

Jep.

A woman walks into her sex therapist's office and tells her that her husband
is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do
about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might
do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and
come back in the morning and tell her what happened.
The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the
pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her
therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the
therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the
therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would
happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesn't know, but to
go ahead and try it.
The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist
that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her
husband the rest of the bottle. The therapist says she doesn't know; it's an
experimental drug and she doesn't know what a full bottle could do to a
person.
Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist's office and put the rest of the
bottle of pills in the husband's morning coffee.
A week later, a boy walks into the therapist's office and says: "Are you the
dumb fuck who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?"
"Why, yes, young man, I did. Why?"
"Well, mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my ass hurts, and dad's sittin' in
the corner going "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty..."

what's the best thing about having sex 27 year olds in thailand?
theres 20 of them.

What did the boy with no arms & no legs get for Christmas?






AIDS

Whats the difference between a bowlingball and a female pornstar?

You cant fit a female pornstar inside a bowlingball.

Also, you can't fit three peni into the bowlingball.

Q: What's grosser than a pile of dead babies?
A: One alive in the middle eating his way out.

Q: How can you make a baby cry?
A: Wipe your bloody cock with his favourite teddy-bear.

what's the difference between an apple and a baby?


i don't cum all over the apple before i eat it.

those jokes were FANTASTIC just what i needed after a hard day at school!!!!

loved them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Love HAyels.com.tree

Whats the difference between a bucket of sand and a bucket of menstrual fluid?



You cant gargle sand

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What has two legs and bleeds a lot?





Half a dog

You guys are disgusting.
I seriously don't know why I kept on reading till the end, though.

Two prostitutes were standing on a street corner. The other one said; "It smells like sperm out here", to which the other one replied; "Sorry, I burped."

What is better than ten babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to ten trees.

How do you get 100 babies out of your truck?
Pitchfork.

Why don't you shake babies?
Its more fun to fuck a 7 year old that is 'all there'

Why should you shake babies?
Its easier to fuck a retarded 7 year old.

Why don't babies go to heaven/hell?
Food doesn't have a soul.

Why shouldn't you eat a baby from the crib?
Tastes better from the barbecue.

I made up a joke...really, it's all mine.
what did the Englishman put on his sunburn?

Ahh low!

thank you! good night>

Whats the difference between Kate moss and A fake american dollar?

Ones a Foney Buck the others a....

I once dated a northern Irish catholic girl. Very frustrating. You can take the girl out of cork but you cant take the cork out the girl.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
It doesn't matter. Feminists can't change anything.

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Why are black women like hockey players?
They both change their pads after three periods

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What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?
Their last great hit was the Wall.

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See you all in Hell!

Latvian: Is so cold.
All: How cold is?
Latvian: Very. Also dark.

Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have sent Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.

Questioning: Why did chicken cross road?
Answering: I have not seen chicken since I was very young, on my parents' farm. This is before the Cossacks slaughtered them. I can still hear screams of sister as soldiers rape her. But back to question, where did you see chicken? I am very, very hungry.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Latvian.
Latvian who?
Please open door. Is cold.

How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb?
Only one. Obtain light bulb is hard part. You have potato?

Is dead dog in road. Is dead Latvian in road. What difference?
Dog have fur keep warm. Also, freedom. And dog try eat poop for pleasure not just survive. So many thing!

http://www.chrisconnollyonline.com/2009/02/72-is-partial-compendium-latvian-humor.html